new beginnings

(lily sweater, crewcuts dress, garnet hill backpack)

wednesday was bunny's first day of kindergarten.

still can't believe she's old enough...

but she was definitely ready! 

she she galloped all the way there.

(she's a horse, in case you didn't know.)

at drop off she was happy, with a quiet confidence, 

ready to take on the world. 

she was even making me feel better, which is just how she rolls. 

probably the most awesome person i know. 

so full of love, life, eagerness, kindness, generosity, fun, humor, silliness...all the delicious things that can make up a five and a half year old little girl. 

if you really want to know how i feel, perhaps you should read this again.

birdie was less than thrilled that her bestie was now going to be gone all day (she cried. it was so saddorable.)... 

but somehow this week, we've managed.

sno-cone as coping/celebratory device.

yum.

later that first night, this happened. numero dos. 

craziness! 

we just don't really do laid-back around these parts. 

go big or go home. 

the tooth fairy came; there was fairy dust everywhere!

 

after the tooth excitement, i figured she would enjoy relaxing as i often do: in a hot bath, complete with luxe bath products courtesy of bvlgari, candlelight, and tchaikovsky. 

she slept like a rock, and got through the week to rave reviews from her new teacher. whew!

oh. 

and. 

it appears as though i've been named "room mom" of bunny's class. 

holy crap, you guys!

i sincerely remember selling wrapping paper as a fundraiser at my elementary school; my mom was involved in pta like yesterday, right?!

the first day of school when i showed up with a 

teased-to-the-heavens topknot and platform wedges, complete with flourescent green laces and a manrepeller-worthy arm party, that little school didn't quite know what to make of me. 

and now i'm their "representative".

its going to be an interesting year. 

xo

back to school

a week from now my first-born baby girl will be starting kindergarten. 

(wait, wait. aren't i still 22? i was sure i was still 22.

how exactly can i be old enough to rent a car without a 
co-signer, let alone have a daughter beginning kindergarten?!)

i can hardly believe it, yet i'm ready. 

i think.

it breaks my heart, as i feel once school begins, 

i may as well begin planning her high school graduation party; time flies too quickly as it is. 

then again, i know she is just chomping at the bit to meet friends here, and school is (hopefully) the best place to make that happen. 

she's also totally brilliant, and i welcome the opportunity for more information to be soaked up on the daily by that 
spongey brain of hers.

i remember kindergarten, don't you?

the water table, the sand table, piles of books, playdoh that may or may not have made its way into my curious mouth 
from time to time. 
ewwww. i know. 

praying that my kid is smart enough not to eat the playdoh, not to pick her nose (in public, anyway; giver her a break), not to put up with mean girls (or boys), not to settle for less than excellence, and above all, to have fun! 

she's going to love school. 

and i'm going to love missing her. 

(remind me of this next week when i'm bawling my eyes out, k?)

back-to-school clothes shopping happened last weekend. 

a long-lived tradition among millions of us, am i right?

BTS1 by mollymarler featuring hermes bangle

BTS2 by mollymarler on Polyvore.com

BTS3 by mollymarler featuring bags

BTS4 by mollymarler on Polyvore.com

bts5 by mollymarler on Polyvore.com

i love this time of year. 

its going to be different out here in california, but i can still imagine the crisp, fall air; leaves changing color & falling from the trees; the smell of autumn.
or i suppose i could just drive a couple hours north and experience a west coast fall. 
(kinda loving it out here, can you tell? :)

tomorrow i'll share with you our chic school supply haul; but today, its all about the clothes!

xo

ps! i'm guest posting for my gal jenny today 

while she's on vaycay. 

hippity hop on over there and check out more of my brilliance. 


better hurry... don't want to be late for class. 

happy father's day 

to all of you wonderful men 

out there

who make the lives of your children 

better.

of someone else's children 

better.

more full 

of

laughter

joy

humor

bravery

generosity

thoughtfulness

sarcasm

protection

understanding

forgiveness

hugs

tickles

and 

love.

you play a more important role in this world 

than you may know.

you impact the lives of the children in yours more than you will ever know. 

we need you now, we will need you always.

and so, to all the world's many different kinds of daddies...

i

say 

thank you!

 

 

(all above images from flickr, tumblr & pinterest unless otherwise noted.)

daddy, 

i miss you every day.

i wish you were here 

every. 

day.

i thought that as i grew older, it would get easier being without you. 

it did for a while. 

but in the last few years, 

i realized

i 

was 

wrong.

when i really open up

let down my guard

and let myself feel it

my heart aches

so much.

it breaks 

over 

and

over 

again.

i miss being a child 

with you

as my daddy.

i miss hearing your car pull in the garage; 

feeling that ecstatic rush

of happiness

to see your face.

running out to the garage 

opening your car door

putting on your suit jacket

and carrying 

your 

briefcase

inside.

i miss sitting in the palm of your hand.

i miss your sarcastic humor, 

though i have definitely 

inherited my fair share. 

as have k & c.

i miss your smell.

i miss the softness 

of my cheek on your shoulder. 

on  your

ll bean

chambray shirt.

i miss so many things i can't 

even think about

because 

it hurts too much.

i think of all of the moments i wish you were here to share.

i wish my children could know you.

they would truly adore you.

and you would be enamored of them. 

i wish you could know david. 

you two are so much alike.

you would approve.

he is a good man, and takes care of me the way you would.

i wish i could hear your voice again.

i wish i could feel myself 

so tiny 

in your arms 

again.

i wish, just for a moment, i could go back to being 16, 

and not have my emotional growth 

stunted

the way it was

when we lost you.

i wish so many things 

for 

k 

& 

c. 

we all miss you so very much.

i like to think you are able to see how much we've grown. 

i often feel you with me.

i see the 

yellow butterflies

and i feel you.

i know you are with God.

i know that you are blissfully happy

free

and

beautiful.

i know that i will see you again.

but my heart still breaks, 

every 

single 

day

because you aren't here now.

i love you daddy. 

i always will. 

xo

farewell, oprah

i started watching you when i was 8 years old. 

i have watched you regularly since.

you have influenced me in ways 

i'm sure even i don't realize. 

your words have inspired me my whole life; 

i went to school for journalism because of you. (well, you, and because i thought i could 

get a job at "wild on e!".) 

because of you i take my two young daughters with me to read to a kindergarten class at an 

elementary school most friday mornings. 

because of you i followed my husband's lead to mentor, befriend, and befamily a very special, hardworking, deserving single mother and her five children, whom we have loved for over 8 years now, and will continue to love and watch grow throughout their lives. 

because of you i have been able to come to terms with personal experiences of sexual abuse, and know that it was not my fault. and that i don't have to live in that experience.

because of you i have had the added courage to live a life in God; embracing his will and plan for me and my path...His path.

you have inspired me to give back in so many ways, to seek my best life with honesty and integrity.

because of you i know i am sacred and have value, just the way i am. 

your loving, confident radiance has not only touched mine & my family's lives, but of course millions of others around the world. 

i am so sad to see you go, but so inspired and excited to see what you do next. 

the world has never known one like you.

so keep on building, dreaming, growing, and sharing... we still need you, oprah. 

(think i've been listening to a little too much aretha tonight, but go with me...)

i've been seeing all of the commercials asking "where will you be?" during the last 

Oprah Winfrey show in history. 

unfortunately i won't be watching it live; i will have to wait to see it on dvr. 

because one of the precious daughters of that single mother i mentioned is graduating from high school tomorrow, and it is my honor & privilege to attend the ceremony; to see her walk across that stage with her head held high because she created a better future for herself. 

the ceremony starts at 6... but i don't want to be late. 

its important.

i'm sure you understand. 

thank you for 25 years. 

here's to many more... to your next chapter.

xo