a love letter

bunny

my angel

when you were born, your cry was the sweetest sound my ears had ever heard. 

i still remember the exact feeling; it was as if my heart exploded, and you were everything.

you, still, are everything.

we have been so in love with you from even before those first moments. 

the baby i had dreamed of my whole life; the baby i pretended to feed, change, & sing to sleep as a little girl; the baby who opened my heart to patience, ideas & wonder that i had never experienced before; the baby who has helped me become the person i was always meant to be. 

oh how i have celebrated each day of your life! 

when you started talking i was so overjoyed; my every waking moment was dedicated to teaching you, singing to you, asking you questions, and then answering yours. 

it still is.

your eyes are the most beautiful blue i have ever seen, and looking into their deep, soulful pools is almost too much for me to bear; my heart aches at how gorgeous you are. 

how incredibly perfect God made you. 

i used to watch you while you slept in your cradle next to our bed; i could watch your breath coming in and out, constant like the waves of the sea, the most beautiful sight any new mother ever saw, for hours on end.

i still love to watch you while you sleep, while the business of the day digests in you, while you rest, recover, and ready yourself for what tomorrow will bring.

and oh, how you grow. 

sometimes you'd stumble while learning to walk, and i kissed your scrapes & bruises, and put on band-aids to make you smile again. 

i will always try and help fix you, to give you what you need to smile again.

your legs have always grown faster than the rest of you, and maybe you fall because you're just so excited about everything. 

just like your mommy. 

i love that about you. 

don't you ever let anyone tell you that you need to change that. 

or change anything else that is intrinsic to who you are. 

you are perfect.

you are perfect. 

i love to watch you run, imagining you are with or one of your horses, wild, with the wind in your hair.

when your little sister came, you were so generous with your time and your love; you continually amaze me with your patience, your gentleness and your desire to teach her. 

you may never know how grateful i am that you are her big sister. 

she will always watch and look up to you, and i know i can count on you to be true to yourself, to God, and to how you are being raised. 

i am so incredibly proud of you.

there is an overflowing gladness, an earnest love about you that is infectious and adorable and delicious.

your smile shatters me into pieces.

your soul is honest, pure, and so beautiful. 

your beautifully colorful imagination keeps me alive. 

you never question whether i will understand your world; 

you just somehow make me understand i'm always invited in.

your mind is gorgeous, open, and capable of holding the world & understanding things which i may never know. 

you are truly brilliant.

the possibility you see in this world, in all people, in me, is so inspiring.

when you look at me, its as if all of those secret things i so deeply wish to be & wish to believe about myself are actually true.

i will say thank you, by being the best mother i can be for you, each and every day until my last, for all of the gifts you've given me just by being here. and being you.

i love you with my whole heart, my darling girl. you are my joy, and my breath each day.

mommy

xo