lean mean clean green machine

i'm not great at new year's resolutions. 

hell, i have a hard time with regular change, 

let alone following through on grand plans. 

but alas, i try.

after everyone was sick in my house over the holidays 

(and is again, currently), 

and of course after too much indulgence and not enough exercise during the month of septobernovcember, 

i am desperately seeking a leaner, cleaner physique. 

inside and out.

thus, the cleanse.

everyone and their sister in los angeles is on one.

juicing, cleansing, fasting... living on air and sunshine.

and water.

tons of water.

i've been checking out different types of cleanses for months now, and i think i am finally settled on this one.

i've been eating "clean" for about 2 weeks, with slip ups here and there due to two little ones' birthdays, and the delicious cake & cupcake baking/"tasting" that was involved...

but its time to get serious. 

my amazing sister has been doing this series, 30 in 30, 

where she set a goal to do 30 workouts in 30 days this month, 

at 30 minutes a day, minimum. while she was here over the holidays i got the grand idea to do it with her; 

"its only 30 minutes a day, how hard can it be?"... 

um. 

turns out, its harder than you'd think.

especially when your family is sick, you turn another year older, your babies turn another year older, & you have house guests. 

and your dog dies. 

methinks its time to pull my head out of my arse and 

get

a 

friggin

move on

already.

so. 


not only am i starting my own personal 30 in 30, i'm also doing the cleanse. 
starting with these green power smoothies....

*dislcaimer: i am fresh from a workout and makeupless... my kids are running around playing in the background... 
i am not a professional. obvs.

while this wasn't a complete success, i'm working on the perfect 

green smoothie recipe. 

until i find it, i think tomorrow calls for berry smoothies for breakfast, butternut squash soup for lunch, & then the kale slaw with red cabbage salad for dinner. 

yum yum. 

xo

ps. seriously. have you tried any cleanses, juice fasts, etc? 

i would love to hear about your experience! 

feel the love?

right now i have a loved one going through an exceptionally tough time; we all occasionally do, no?

my mama calls them "FGO's"... 

or "f*cking growth opportunities". 

i don't know 'bout you, but i've been through my share, 

and whenever i'm lost in the woods, its my gorgeous 

family and friends who get me through.

and god, of course.

anyway, for you, my very special friend; 

you know who you are. 

and for any of you going through 

an FGO of your own...

hang in there.

know that you're in this season of your life for a reason, 

that you are strong as hell, and you will get through it, 

and you will be wiser for it. 

blah blah blah, i know. 

i've been there, too; i really don't mean to sound condescending. 

when you're over all the "supportive talk", 

sometimes its best to laugh. or even just smile. 

know this. more than anything else. 

 

there is still so much color in your life. 

look around, seek it out, soak it in. 

 i get butterflies thinking about your unique, specific gifts; 

no one else in the world is you. 

you are more special than you know.

laughter is crucial. 

always. 

until your very last breath. 

hold fast to courage, make the tough choices, and don't look back.

play your own song. 

even if you're the only one who likes it.

even if it sounds like me playing the recorder in fifth grade.

...and possibly makes the neighbor's ears bleed.

...and perhaps anyone within a five mile radius.

play on.

at first you might feel timid, but just GO for it.

its always better to regret things you've done, 

than things you haven't.

you are beautiful. no matter what sex, color, religion, size, shape, age, ability... you are beautiful.

especially if you look like this.

(he's all kinds of special, and he is owning it.)

its true. 

and that's a lot. 

a whole lot.

remember i love you. and i'm always, always here. 

even though i'm here

not there.

have a wonderful weekend.

sparkley, gropey hugs & glitter puppy kisses, 

xo

...who lived in her shoes

house hunting is a bitch.

more specifically, house hunting in southern california is a real bitch.

looks like i could end up the little 

(ahem, young) lady who lived in her shoes.

(above images via the fabulous netaporter)

actually, if we could get a tub in there, maybe blow out a wall for a fab waterworks piece?...

as i tweeted yesterday, 

i often read a listing that says things like "the house boasts stunning interiors" 

(a complete dump. pass.)

is "charming" 

(aka the size of my uterus, which, even after two kids, i assure you, is eeesny),

"has been recently updated" 

(not since the Nixon era, and I wasn't even born then. come on, people.)

or is "bright" 

(lit with so much florescent crap it would make JLo look like amy winehouse.)

when it ain't. 

started to get uber frustrated with it all...but then i saw this little piece of comedic genius, and she just made my DAY.

Boston Craigslist Girl, I love you.

there is light at the end of the tunnel, friends; just don't want to jinx anything! 

more on that soon.

xo

for my david

my husband david is in california. i am not.

we have often heard the phrase "lobsters mate for life"...

and it has become a symbol for us. 

with that in mind, for our 6th year anniversary, i compiled a fetching group of photos to express my love for you in lobster form.

(all images above via pinterest)

awesome, right?

'cept for this: 

lobsters don't mate for life. 

turns out a female lobster can mate only after she sheds her shell. 

(there's plenty of symbolism there, 

but i'm not going into that right now...)

pro: the female chooses the male she wants to mate with.

con: once she's made up her mind, the female stands outside of the male's den and pees, releasing her pheromone/aka love juice.

(peeing in public?! can you imagine how that would 

go down in civilized society?)

 (via millionface)

 (via millionface)

oh.

well. 

anyway.

the male then splashes himself with her, um, love juice, and permeates his den with the scent. 

super. lobsters are into urolagnia. they're so freaky.

then the game playing begins: 

the male charges out of his den claws raised aggressively. 

the female, of course, responds by either 

a. boxing with him 

(kick his ass, seabass!)

or 

b. turning away. so original.

(insert debbie downer soundbite here: waah waaaaah.)

finally, when he chillaxes enough to run a few smooth lines by her, and she finds herself more or less ready to party, 

she puts her claws on his head. 

game on.

the couple then enter his den, and he 

shows her where the magic happens. 

because i am a scientific expert, this is probably what it looks like: 

(via fierceandnerdy)

unfortunately for our gal, this guy isn't always true blue. 

er, red.

(via facebook)

"who? this? oh....this is nobody baby, this is...

uh...the housekeeper. no, really! i promise."

 (via cartoonstock)

they probably click around on the tele, watch some crap reality show marathons, or perhaps the entire scrubs box set, and then anywhere from a few hours to a few days later, she molts.

at this point he could either mate with her or eat her. 

i can't even think of a witty enough comment to write here.

he gently turns her fragile, exposed body over, "being careful not to tear her soft flesh"...geeez. the websites i'm getting this info from are starting to make this all sound like a sordid nora roberts novel. 

anyway, they do the deed. sparks fly. 

the male of course "retains his hard shell"...uh huh. 

surely he's proud of it. 

he probably makes jokes about it with his lobster buddies. 

has no qualms about adjusting his "hard shell" in public, 

even when his lobster date expresses outright embarrassment. 

after her new shell grows, in about a week, she leaves the safety of his den and they part ways without so much as a backward glance. 

at least she's got a cute new outfit on and 

he's the one doing the walk of shame... player.

all that's neither here nor there, and you probably just learned way more than you ever intended to about lobsters. 

(but hey, now you singles have new information to share on a date, and perhaps a new strategy to try when you get to that 

"possible awkward kiss at the door" moment. 

girls, just be careful not to pee on his shoes. 

that stuff really doesn't come out.)

regardless of whether or not they mate for life, 

lobsters certainly are tasty. 

wish i were sharing some with you today,  my love. 

you have been very un-lobster like in your love and support 

over the past 6 years, and for that, i thank you. 

and i love you.

with all of my heart. 

xo