Thursday, May 5, 2011

mike & molly take on the met

this is not us.

(via zap2it)

this is.

no, not really! geez! 
hope these poor bastards had a totally 
awesome prom circa 1994 though. 
her shoes are dyed to match. 

(via vogue)
last night was the Costume Institute Gala 
at the Met, celebrating the unveiling of 
their lastest exhibition: 
"Alexander McQueen: Savage Beauty." 
there were some incredible fashion moments. 
i thought it would be fun to mix things up and get a man's perspective on all this couture & culture.
my friend mike and i discuss the highs and lows...

but first, you may remember mike's funny analogy hereafter reading his commentary below, you may find yourself thinking "is he a gay ginger with a scathing wit & passion for fashion?"...i wish. but i assure you he is not. gay anyway. 
he is in fact a ginger, however. 
(and i love my gingeys!)
he is also a friend of mine from high school who now resides in a beachside town on the jersey shore (i know!) with his lovely wife mary beth; they are expecting their first baby, a girl, in august.  
he is head of ticket sales for the NJ Nets in manhattan (uh yeah, i'm gonna be needin some tickets...) and also happens to do a full repertoire of amazing comedic impressions, including but not limited to: characters from family guy, king of the hill, past presidents george 
w bush & bill clinton, jack black, & nicholas cage. 
but really, who can't do nic cage?! 
i kid.
mike is also a major michael jackson fan--probably would have let jacko have his way with him in the 80's, sweet boy--and credits the sequined gloved one for helping him realize the importance of 
separating the artist from the art. ha
he also has a serious man crush on jason segel, and is working his way into the entertainment world, 
one tiny blog post at a time. 
i kid again. obvs. but really, 
be on the lookout; more from this funnyman soon!

now, onto the fabulousness...

(all images via vogue unless otherwise noted)
.diane kruger in jason wu.
molly: ooooh, sexyglam! love this. she is stunning, and her body is ridic. hair, makeup, jewels, clutch = spot on. she wears the hell out of this! also makes me feel like i should stop eating immediately.
mike: the top appears to be mostly glued on loose change--primarily nickels. 700 coins give or take. if that's the case, that shirt is roughly $35--pretty affordable. tough to tell exactly what's going on with the skirt but it seems the studio finally yielded to nic cage's outlandish salary demand to do national treasure 3: diane kruger's right leg.

.chanel iman in dolce & gabbana.
molly: stunning lace, gorgeous accessories, right on red lip, lovely hair, the shoes! oh the shoes! they are insane. christian louboutin pigalili heels. gorge. you could really gouge someone's eyes out 
with those things.
mike: that tall drink of lace right there is kevin durant of the oklahoma city thunder. oh...right...that's actually chanel iman (her dress is not chanel? wtf durant!) with some bedazzled jewels amongst the lace. she looks classy but also looks like she might type 52 wpm as a 1950's secretary.
molly: uh, yeah... if she was this type of secretary.

.stella mccartney in, duh, stella mccartney.
molly: she is lovely--and look at those calves! but um. not a fan of the dress. love her work, usually, but i just don't really get the whole cutoff bottom and add it to the top thing...
absolutely reminds me of this:
 (via holyfrack)
that would be danny devito as the pengiun, people. 
mike: STELLA... is what i'd yell at her... STELLA! what'd you buy that off the rack? how could HER own dress designed by HER not fit HER that well. STELLA...! WTF.

.zoe saldana in calvin klein collection.
molly: one of my faves by far. this woman takes amazing fashion risks, and i believe they definitely pay off! love the color on her, the silhouette is obvs working for her, and her minimal makeup and jewelry choices are perfect. the dress is the star without it wearing her.
mike: other than seeing her avatar wearing this dress, i can't imagine anyone looking sexier in yellow. would have liked to have seen her wear her hair up for this as it would've highlighted her sharktooth necklace perfectly. she's super sexy.

.emma stone in lanvin.
molly: oh i love her! superbadass... this is really fun. bold pattern, unfussy hair, great fit, lovelovelove-ing the bright pink lip! 
i'll bet she's totally fun. and was drinking til dawn.
mike: easy a? unless they're grading on an 8th grade remedial english curve, then no. c+ but its mostly for channeling a dawson's creek era michelle williams with the hair. pacey would be all over that. not me. 

 .jennifer lopez in gucci.
molly: i loooove me some jlo. she just glows, is super sweet, and pretty much embodies what i wanted to be when i was younger. 
(probably the plight of many a skinny white irish girl)
gorgeous, dark, sexy... yet i look at her in this incredible shade of red and all i can think of is this:

(via ropesofsilicon)
i dunno. 
mike: this outfit screams "fuck you kara dioguardi". i am baffled by the shoulder pads made from clifford the big red dog. lot of clutter around her neck... the scarf appears to be made from the blood of paula abdul. like her in red but i also liked the wedding planner
molly: i love that you used the terms "outfit" and "clutter" as descriptive terms there. just like a man.

.daphne guinness in alexander mcqueen.
molly: it is the met gala, they're honoring alexander, and he was a dear friend of hers--she also happens to own an incredible archive of couture to choose from, 10 of mcqueen's designs included--so i'll give her this one. she also did a bizarrely cool live performance in the window of barney's ny prior to the gala: guinness spent 7 minutes "changing", and paying homage to not only mcqueen, but also the third in their trio, 
her dear friend isabella blow. 
she also closely resembles one of those ladies at a party who serves food on her hoop skirt. with feathers.
mike: ...think victoria beckham if she ate her kids. what can one say about a lady that ravaged the world's remaining bald eagle population to make a mock turtleneck? classy! the bottom of the dress was clearly made from the hopes and dreams of children from third world countries.

.alexa chung in christopher kane.
molly: another one of my favorite looks, though they say one should never wear anything but floor length to the met gala. but rebellion is just so...
alexa chung! 
i lurve her.
the shape of this dress, the detail--pockets! paillettes! liquid plastic detailing! oh, and did i mention they custom made that clutch from the collection for her, for the occasion? #she'smajor
mike: reminds me a little of liz hurley in austin powers. she doesn't look that glamorous here but i really want to party with her (don't we all?!)... like the scene in forest gump when jenny climbs on the balcony with freebird blaring in the background? yeah...that's a chick you wanted to party with... 
like this girl.
molly: agreed, bro montana. agreed.

.kirsten dunst in really?! really.
molly: not gonna lie, it almost feels blasphemous saying this bc its chanel, but... 
blossom called. she wants her dress back. 
this looks like something that was on my itemized christmas list back in '93 from the limited too. 
all she needs is a fisherman's hat with the front folded up and she's gtg. 
(via racked)
mike: she also wore this dress to the premier of jumanji. that said, she was probably around twelve and didn't know any better. even spiderman can't save her from this dress. looks like my grandmother's couch sans the plastic cover.

.liv tyler in givenchy.
molly: if i had wings i would fly, let me contemplate: another top choice pour moi... i think she pulls this off beautifully! the hombre effect with the yellow, the feathers (albeit some of them look like they're literally about to take flight...but its the met gala! its art!), the bright yellow clutch, the perfect jewels...its va va voom at its artful best.
mike: confused by this one...clean white feathers on the top down to the dirty yeti look at the bottom. couple of irregularly places seashells down low. nope, not going to make fun of this. been in love with liv since "that thing you do!"-- she can do no wrong in my eyes. 
i feel you; she's been my girl since those areosmith videos with alicia silverstone.

.naomi campbell in alexander mcqueen.
again, mcqueen on the red carpet of a mcqueen tribute event. i understand and respect the choice...but i don't have to like it. she's rocking bat mitzvah hair with this gladiator cum carwash dress, that is just...wrong. way too much going on. but he was a genius, so... ?!
mike: finally a settlement in her blood diamond case. no jail time; just wear this dress. punishment should and does fit the crime. however, given ms. campbell's quick temper, the creator of this dress was assaulted shortly after the fitting.
ouch. cause. um. he's already dead. unless..she...?! 
too soon. understood.

.renee zellweger in carolina herrera.
one word: moobs.
she is ripped, but i can't decide if its because she works out, is strong and uberfit, or if she's just emaciated. or both. but i do love a sweeping train...
mike: little known fact about renee. we're looking at her full frontal. her back looks exactly the same as the front. true story. although i must say, i usually find her mousy, she looks quite elegant and classy here...despite giving us a sneak peak of "the twins". show bradley cooper what he's missing, kid.

.elle fanning in valentino.
well, now, isn't this precious? 
its little lord fauntleroy.
(via bbcuk)
i mean, really. 
the fanning sisters need a new stylist, stat!
mike: elle appears to have just come from her other job as a chamber maid. child labor laws have ruined this country. like the little updo (me too!) but the lace front shows us she's not quite ready for prime time... in the chestal region. she's plenty cute but i will wait until 2016 to give her my full opinion.
how old will your daughter be by then? 
wink, wink.

...stay tuned as we have a part two to this fiasco coming your way manana! 

thanks again, mike. its been precious.


  1. Elle Fanning's dress choice: the reason floor length is a must. Eek!

  2. diane kruuuger!
    and when you get to it tomorrow or!

  3. omg!!! LOVE THIS SO MUCH. two of my favorite things to come out of walton high school joined together. and not to mention - it was hilarious!! great job you two.

  4. you guys are hilarious! I just wish I knew who these people are! Keep'em coming.