a great loss

two days ago my dog died. 

i was going to give you a gorgeous, 

flowery opening, but i just can't. 

my eyes are still red from crying, and my brain hurts. 

my body is so dehydrated (birthday beers with this one may have also contributed), and i am exhausted beyond words. 

 oliver was so much more than just a pet; he was a member of our family. he was a son to me & david, and a brother to the girls. 

he really was. 

we got him from a rescue group in atlanta, and i will never forget the day they brought him home to our house. 

many of my family members were there to meet him, 

and he fit in right away.

he was definitely a gift from god to us, and if you don't understand my feelings for "just a pet", i'm sorry for you.

he chose us as much as we chose him, 

and he never stopped choosing us. 

he was a love, such a little man, a sweet, happy boy--and made sure his people knew it.

 (i know, right? pre-birdie, blonde and southern.)

 he would lick your face til it fell off if you'd let him.

he was a constant companion, a dear friend, 

and i miss him terribly. 

i want him sleeping between my feet on our bed, as he always did.

i want him chasing his favorite toys in the back yard. 

(just last week i accidentally took down half the cafe lights we have strung up back there over the fire pit while i was playing catch with him. so worth it.)

i want him begging for a treat, for a rub or a tickle, giving us kisses and just being excited to see us, his people, every day.

 he was so spoiled, and rightly so; always waiting for a crumb to fall or a treat to be given. i miss him under my feet in the kitchen. when the doorbell rings or someone knocks, i anticipate his sharp barks, only to hear nothing. my heart is broken. 

 most especially because the girls are so devastated. 

there really is nothing worse than witnessing your children's heartbreak, knowing there is nothing you can do to fix it. 

anguish. 

i'm trying so hard to keep it together, to remember him as the sweet boy he was (still so weird using past tense), and to keep him in my heart. but its so hard when it hurts so much.

the girls keep crying, asking why, when you're coming back, drawing pictures of doggie heaven. 

your bowl, leash, collar & toys are all here. but you aren't.

i swear i can still see him, whenever i pull up to the house,  waiting at the window as he always did, for us to come in. 

i love you, ollie. 

we miss you so much, sweet boy.

xo