hunger games {& snacks}

this evening i enjoyed the luxury of a long, solo drive, and got to thinking about change.

more specifically, the feelings that real change evokes in us.

real change takes time, and can be hard and uncomfortable.

it can make us feel crazed, out of control, 

itchy in a way that can't be scratched. 

or at least it does for me.

i don't like feeling so uncomfortable, especially since i'm already living in a completely new place, still trying to get acclimated to a new routine with new people. 

but tonight it hit me:

 change is supposed to feel this way. 

its ok. 

that tendency to push back, that stubbornness, is natural.

we're human beings, and i think our minds 

and bodies fight against it.

have you ever felt this way?

for me at least, its critical to remind myself that 

this change is happening because i'm choosing to make it happen.

this is good change, and even though it feels strange, 

i know it is right.

it can be hard to accept and make peace with these feelings 

while in the midst of it, but the very recognition of them diminishes their power and helps you regain peace and balance.

i was faced with a ginormous plate of gorgeous, chocolatey goodness this evening in the form of delicious brownies

--they were within my grasp for over two hours--

and the internal struggle i faced was embarrassingly tough.

i could have devoured the entire batch in one sitting, 

but i chose not to eat one. 

and i was hungry. 

like with that tummy-rumbling, gnawing, i have got to eat something now kind of hunger. 

but then i thought, 

"is being hungry the worst thing that can happen?" 

no. 

i then proceeded to ask myself a series of other questions, all leading me to be able to not eat the brownies, and wait until i got home to enjoy a light salad and lots of water. 

it sucked.


do me a favor. wherever you are right now, take in a big breath, and then exhale.
now before you inhale again, just spend a few moments in that space of not breathing. not holding your breath, really, but not inhaling, either.
 feel that semi-panic rise in you as you anticipate when your next breath will come. 
your brain knows you have the power to take a breath, and that you will; yet the panic is there, just the same. 
its like that for me when i'm hungry. 

(i'm still hungry as i write this, but i think my body is more hungry for sleep than for food.)

facing change may be easier for you, 

(for your sake, i hope it is!)

and you have my full permission to laugh at how ridiculous i am for having to use all of my faculties to not eat a damn brownie, but that's how i'm wired. 

i'm learning to be ok with the discomfort.

i'm realizing that by accepting and recognizing it, i can then take another step into the darkness, towards the brilliant unknown of what the next part of my journey holds for me.

towards change. 

bravely going where i have never gone before, 

towards the light i seek.

xo

(via)

ps... here's the recipe for the delicious dried fruit and nut balls i've been snacking on this week. delicious!

(all other photos via)